Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
