Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
