I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
where are you?
Hypothermia
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
