I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
