I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
