You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
