This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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