Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
