Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
