just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
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We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
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He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize