she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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