i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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