im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
