In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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