last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My bed smells like the plague
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
