I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
