you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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