I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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