He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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