also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
