I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
