dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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