dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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