made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
