morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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