your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
