Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
wow bdsm is so cute
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
