There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
