I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
