a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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