I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
