Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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