I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
