sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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