thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize