My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I am mentally ready for anal.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize