Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
