You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
