1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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