I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
