He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
