First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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