And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
