Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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