Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
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He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
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the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it