Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.