they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk