i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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