im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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