you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
