did you get engaged???
what if I'm pregnant?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
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It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time