...is it true? will i see you next weekend
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow