i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
