Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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