Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
