I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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