literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
