You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
