me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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