did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
