I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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