I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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